...oh yea, and my ex-boyfriend randomly calls me after like, 2 years of not talking to him, or more! What's up with that???? I have yet to return that call......

Woo!

Couple things.....

I had to tighten my belt today! YAAAY!

I refuse to be part of the drama that goes on around me. That's all I will say. People need to come back to earth, and other people need to evaluate themselves. I'm one of those people, and I try to. Today I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs and I was extremely close to doing so. If I was alone I would have, but I may have hurt Scott's ears if I had at that point.

I am offically on my own at work, can't wait for the anxiety attacks.

That's all...

the beat goes on...

So it's been roughly a week and half since I joined the gym and things are going well. I swear I can already see a very slight difference in my legs. I know, I know, "but it's only been a week and a half!"... true if you aren't considering any of the few times I went for walks before I joined, or the fact that I am eating healthier than ever... I still have some of the bad foods now and then but for the most part, I get my protein, my whole grains, my fruits, my lean cuisuines, my slim fasts, etc... soooo in conclusion, I don't think it would be all that crazy of me to notice something slight.

I have been totally dedicated to this gym thing. It's great. Just goes to show that when I put my mind to something I can make it happen. My plan is to workout 5 days, 2 days off. And I do no less than 45 minutes of cardio, sometimes more depending on the day, and some situps. And I get sweaty and red and gross and it's super, really. In a strange way I like the scent of myself when I am working out, sounds gross, but really it isn't, and I'm not alone (right, Shayna?).

In other news, I had to go into work this morning for a Voice Team meeting. It's 6 of us, trying to make certain areas of our store better by utilizing feedback from associates and coming up with action plans. It's quite interesting and I like being a part of it. Alot of people are negative when we tell them what we do and the usual response is something along the lines of "like that's gonna happen" or "you know it's not going to do anything". I can't stand the negativity, but it makes me more aware of my own ability to be negative and it's something I would like to change. I think alot of times I don't hear myself.. and maybe there's a bit too much unpleasantries coming out of my mouth. Anyway, back to the Voice Team, I actually take it seriously and I like doing something I wouldn't normally do. A year ago I wouldn't have signed up for something I knew nothing about... let alone TALK! It's a good time... although I would have liked if it didn't take 2 hours out of my day off... oh well, I did get a free lunch out of it, thanks to Daren once again sharing one of his wraps with me. Mmmm.

Things to look forward to this weekend/week ahead... Daren's charity hockey game tomorrow... being plan-less on Sunday, which means it's wide open for whatever we feel like doing on another gorgeous day, Monday I get my glasses (WOOO!), not having to grocery shop or really clean cuz it's done!, and payday on Friday... so far, so good.

:)

Foooooooood

Yesterday I ate WAY better than today....

Slim fast and something else for breakfast... can't remember what it was...

Lunch I had a peanut butter and sugar free jelly on 12 grain bread with an apple

Dinner I had half of a fish n chips dinner

Late night snack was a fruit and walnut salad

Today's menu :::sheepish look::::

Breakfast: Oatmeal

Second breakfast (haha LOTR reference!) Dannon light n fit yogurt with blueberries, water, a few nuts and a strawberry or two

Lunch.... :::::gulp:::: Chinese food. AHHHH!!! But Davo invited me and Daren went and they bought it for me cuz they're nice like that and.... I know... BAD

BUT I did work out after work..nice and sweaty :)

And I had some cheese when I got home and I am nursing a coffee..... and dinner will be a smart choice... hopefully... it IS Friday...

Today's menu!

Food today...

Slim fast shake

Yogurt
Orange
Trail mix
Water

Mini Butterfingers (3)

Lean cuisuine
Coke Zero
Sugar free pudding cup

Annie's mac n' cheese
Mixed veggies with a sprinkle of grated parmesan
Crystal light iced tea

RANT

Ok so I wrote this last night in the wrong blog...

"Start rant.I know it shouldn't bother me as much as it does, and I really thought I had come to a good place with it, but it does bother me, and I am definitely not in a good place.I feel gross. I'm so much heavier and jigglier than I used to be. I'm lumpy and bumpy and I feel so unnattractive right now. I know it's not as bad is it could be and I realize I'm not an ugly person, but still, I can't find jeans... I search for that small selection of my size (whatever size that is because I certainly can't find it! Maybe it's awkwardly shaped size?) while these little stylish girls pick out little things here and there. I mean, really thin girls are gross, but I don't want to be really thin, I just don't want to wiggle in places that should not move. I don't want an ideal place to off-road to be on my back fat rolls. I would prefer that my thighs not look like the surface of some distant planet. Seriously, my legs are HUGE. Ahh and I don't want to be "that girl" who thinks about her weight and that's it. But - I seriously need to get in shape.As soon as the warm weather comes I am going to be walking all the time. Really. AND from now on I am going to journal EVERYTHING I eat in this blog. That's right, everyone will be able to see what I am eating. Maybe that will keep me from eating CRAP.The thing is this.. there will always be cupcakes, and ice cream, and candy. I don't need to eat it just because it is there. SO - I won't, because if I want to be able to feel confident that's what needs to happen. End rant. "

Well.... I joined the gym tonight. It's a good idea. I have a three month membership, so I can get myself to where I want to be and when summer rolls around I can do things outdoors like walk and sports and stuff... and when the cold weather comes back I can sign up for three more months... I shall update.....

we're comin' back for more....

I have Jason Mraz stuck in my head, but it's not a bad thing, he can stay there as loooong as he wants.

I washed my car today. Yep, I took some warm water and car wash and sponged the ol' girl down. Then I made repeat trips to the tub and sink filling a bucket and pot with water so I could splash/pour the water on the car in hopes that it will get most of the soap off.

I don't have much to write about, as always. Things are as they are. Which is good, I guess. Kinda quiet... the mess at work has been sorted out (I think) so as of now I am staying where I am, just taking on more responsibility (as in everything) and running the office myself without the title or pay increase.... hmmm... we'll see how long that lasts.

You can take my picture, but I won't remember

So I have decided that I am a still life [wanna be] photographer.
I am in love with this hobby. I really want to do something with it in the future.

Below are a few pics that I took:

And here are a few random pics I found online that I like (including the pic at the top of the page, I can't seem to get them where I want in this post):

I really love this one. I love the colors, and just the whole thing:

Ah, I can't wait to get to school.

Mmm. I just love Robert Pattinson. That face with those eyes and that amazing grin. Let's not forget that tall, perfect body. Oh, to have money and a personal trainer!

Hold on.......

I'm alone.

My apt is warm and lit with random lamps.

My music is playing. There are no other sounds besides the hum of the fridge, my fingers dancing away on the keys of my laptop, and the subtle click of the mouse.

My back hurts, and I'm thoroughly exhausted from being a part of the "inventory team" at work. I've never counted, hunted, or "checked" as much as I did these past few days. And my poor feet have never been as sore. Well, maybe that part isn't true. I DID work at a restaurant for nearly 4 years.

I feel like there should be alot more going on in my brain than there is, maybe it's just better that way.

God, my back really hurts.

That should be better. The laptop now sits uneasily on my crossed legs. What a great little luxury I own, this portable little machine.

I guess I really don't have much to write, or maybe what I should say is, I don't have much I want to write about.

How about I write about college? Well, I would like to at the very least sign up for one class. I have chosen English as that class. I need to get the basics out of the way and English is something I've always been good at and enjoyed. I know where I want to go, I know (pretty much) what my goal is. HCC offers a degree in photography. I can either get that degree, or get the core classes out of the way and transfer. I haven't made a decision on that yet, and I don't need to. I need to start. I won't have another Wednesday off for a bit, but when I do, I will be attending the "Welcome Wednedays" event there. Scott will go with me, since he wants to go there also. I will learn more about registration and such. I'm excited and scared at the same time. But this is something I need to get moving on, and I've been carrying the thought of college with me for a long time now. It's not necessarily a dark cloud above me, but almost like a little weight hanging from my leg that I've dragged along with me.

Sometimes I hate that the people I surround myself with are farther ahead of me.

Actually, I always hate it.

And I hate that I always have to pee. Can I just write about this for a minute? Why is it that I always need to pee?! I'm not small, I should have a bigger bladder than I do, right? Maybe something is wrong with me...

Anyway, I really want the good weather to come soon. This lady at work said she "can't stand the summer" and basically that she thinks winter is wonderful. PLEASE. I want to go out and take pictures. I want to ride around with my flip flops on and the sun roof open.

I want to lay on the dock in my bathing suit.

I want to swim!

I want to go to Cape Cod and spend 5 nights in that little motel with my man. I want to play mini golf and take lots of silly pictures and kiss in public and eat breakfast at the Marshland EVERY morning.

I want to stop thinking and just start feeling again. I know that sounds really cliche and corny, like something out of a typical movie. But maybe it sounds that way because alot of us have or currently feel that way. If you know what I mean, you know what I mean. If you don't get it, you're probably not one of us.

OK, really, I have to pee BAD.

I guess that means my random rant has come to a close.