RANT

Ok so I wrote this last night in the wrong blog...

"Start rant.I know it shouldn't bother me as much as it does, and I really thought I had come to a good place with it, but it does bother me, and I am definitely not in a good place.I feel gross. I'm so much heavier and jigglier than I used to be. I'm lumpy and bumpy and I feel so unnattractive right now. I know it's not as bad is it could be and I realize I'm not an ugly person, but still, I can't find jeans... I search for that small selection of my size (whatever size that is because I certainly can't find it! Maybe it's awkwardly shaped size?) while these little stylish girls pick out little things here and there. I mean, really thin girls are gross, but I don't want to be really thin, I just don't want to wiggle in places that should not move. I don't want an ideal place to off-road to be on my back fat rolls. I would prefer that my thighs not look like the surface of some distant planet. Seriously, my legs are HUGE. Ahh and I don't want to be "that girl" who thinks about her weight and that's it. But - I seriously need to get in shape.As soon as the warm weather comes I am going to be walking all the time. Really. AND from now on I am going to journal EVERYTHING I eat in this blog. That's right, everyone will be able to see what I am eating. Maybe that will keep me from eating CRAP.The thing is this.. there will always be cupcakes, and ice cream, and candy. I don't need to eat it just because it is there. SO - I won't, because if I want to be able to feel confident that's what needs to happen. End rant. "

Well.... I joined the gym tonight. It's a good idea. I have a three month membership, so I can get myself to where I want to be and when summer rolls around I can do things outdoors like walk and sports and stuff... and when the cold weather comes back I can sign up for three more months... I shall update.....